I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i believe in u and ur pee
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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