I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Idk if I want to put a bra on
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
