Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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