Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
