I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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