I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
