This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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