just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I love having hate sex.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
