is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
