Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
