Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
