You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
