also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
