The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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