He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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