you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
