i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
