why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
