using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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