can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
