3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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