so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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