but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
