all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
