go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
