I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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