The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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