I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
