I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
