Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just invented taco cereal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
