Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
