dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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