i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
