just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
