i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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