If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
