This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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