you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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