Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
