Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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