I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
