Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
