what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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