marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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