My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
