The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
