Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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