my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
