apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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