forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize