I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
