Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
