Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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