My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
