That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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